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Humility

I've been thinking a lot about humility lately. About starting over from a humble beginning. Maybe after a fall. 


The difficulty. The pain. The shame, if we let that in. So much pride wrapped up in who we were.
I've been struggling for more than two years now, to stay balanced, to maintain some kind of equilibrium with all the tremendous changes I've had thrown at me. For two years, I've reacted, rather than acted. I've ridden the waves, dodged the swells and barely stayed afloat. I have NOT thrived.

I have also not grabbed the reins in any definitive way at all. If you're constantly reacting, there is no room for action. 
I haven't known where or how to start, what to do or not do. As a result, I found myself in a kind of unhealthy stasis; eating too much, drinking too much, doing too little. I'd have bursts of determination, sparks of fire that never flamed. I kept trying, in my way. But nothing seemed to stick.

More torpor. More regret. More guilt and sha…

And then....

Remember that last post? About humility, listening to your body and letting the body lead? Maybe as a way to quiet the mind? It sounded good, didn't it? I was (am?) determined to be smarter with my training and to be kinder to my aging body instead of pushing myself through injury or trying to improve too much, too rapidly. 

The results seemed good. I was able to get in some consistent runs and slowly build up what felt like a bit of stamina. I was finding some joy in the run again and connecting with my body in a positive way. It was early days but it was working!

And then, we went for a hike.

Friends of ours from out of town came for a visit and of course, we wanted to show off this big, beautiful backyard that we enjoy. These specific friends are not runners and not especially outdoorsy but we chose a shorter hike with the pay off of some nice waterfalls. What could go wrong? Except forgetting that this particular hike was actually much more of a scramble.... 



I LOVE a good scrambl…